by Bridget Howard-Vanevenhoven, LCMCHA, JD
As parents/caregivers, we hope our child will not fall victim to bullying. We value who they are and what makes them special, while also being sensitive to growth areas. When your child shares their experience of bullying, it can feel gut-wrenching. How can someone attack the attributes that make my child unique? How can my child’s extra needs or difficulties be the subject of mocking? Bullying is neither fair nor rational, but my hope is to provide concrete solutions to help your family navigate. My insights rely upon my experiences as a therapist and as a mother.
- Affirming Language: We inherently know our child’s strengths. Do we share and incorporate this knowledge in our day-to-day interactions with them? Do they know the potential we see in them? It is easy to correct mistakes or focus on difficult behaviors, especially when we are exhausted or overwhelmed. Try instead to intentionally notice what they are doing well, even during setbacks. As an example, “I noticed you lost your temper with me after school, but I appreciate that you later told me that it involved being made fun of at recess. Thanks for sharing this tough experience.” Noting and validating your child’s strengths can enhance self-esteem and confidence, while also improving overall communication.
- Trusted Adults: Encouraging a conversation with your child about the supportive adults in their life can help them explore and identify important, reliable supports. Additional support can come through a family member, coach, religious/spiritual advisor, sitter/nanny, teacher, afterschool provider, school administrator, and/or family friend.
- Creating a Safe Space for Communication: It can be difficult to keep a neutral expression and response when learning about your child’s bullying and resulting pain. Why is this important? Often, a child feels that they are burdening or creating stress for their caregiver. Fostering an environment where your child knows you can manage their big emotions lends to more vulnerability and sharing on the child’s part. Without our own support frameworks, a child can sense our stress and emotional weight. This can result in a child shutting down or avoiding difficult conversations. It is important to recognize and prioritize your emotional needs, so that you can better support your child. Such support may include trusted family, friends, or a mental health provider.
- Creating a Plan: Some children feel more confident when they know how to respond to bullies. It can be empowering to have a guide for the following (1) discussing helpful verbal responses to bullies; (2) learning when and how to walk away from bullies; (3) understanding the consequence of retaliation; and (4) incorporating peer and adult support.
- Advocacy: As a parent, it is important to research how to best advocate for your child. You have the right to communicate the needs and expectations for your child and demand appropriate interventions. Advocacy involves requesting updates and demanding accountability. Some potential avenues for relief are as follows: parents of a child involved, teachers, school administration, school board (if they hold open meetings), school counselor, coach, and the like. Bullying should never be ignored.
- Understand and Communicate about Cyber Bullying: Your child craves, and rightfully needs, a level of independence and privacy. However, they still need parental guidance, so your role is to explain the adverse impacts of social media and its harmful content. Let your child know why you want to be involved with online activity. It is beneficial to explain the risks and your desire to keep them safe, even if there is push back.
- Services: If your child experiences bullying, it is important to seek services to support their mental health needs, which may include crisis interventions, individual therapy, family therapy, group therapy, higher levels of care, and/or psychiatric services. The clinicians at Queen City Counseling and Consulting are experienced with supporting parents and children with bullying. Please reach out for a free 15-minute consultation to see if we meet the needs of your family. If we are not the best fit, we will be happy to provide you with referrals. Our priority is finding your child needed support.
If your child has not experienced bullying, provide them with information on how they can be part of the solution. Encourage empathy, teach kindness, and talk openly about how your child can support peers who might be struggling.
